"I know some days are hard, but don't you make mine too."

I currently feel deceived. & I'm very upset about it. It's only a trivial matter but this has got to do with mutual trust. If you're gaming just say so, you don't have to cover yourself up by saying that you're eating. Gaming & eating are two different things. & If you want to lie, say something that's close to gaming like playing or something -.- On the contrary, what I'm trying to get across here is that you can't start a relationship based on lies!

Now I don't see the point of having a boyfriend & getting into a relationship. I feel cheated like 80% of the time. & I don't care if I'm ranting about how miserable my current lovelife right now. I just can't take anymore of those lies.

I'm speechless. So I guess I'll end this stupid entry.




ABJ
Moodless fuck-

I've been facing a bad disposition out of the blue. I'm alright but all of a sudden, I see things from a different angle that made me turn malevolent. & I've been showing this immaturity of mine to Dear most of the time. I can't apologize because I know it'll happen again & again. I can't stop because I can't find the reason why. Maybe I should take a day off from my hectic schedule to sit down, find a place somewhere peaceful & begin internalizing what's actually the problem.

School's been fine. I've got to do a little catch up on my Maths assignment since the deadline is round the corner. Other than that, I've been paying attention to other subjects in class. All that's left to do is revise for tests which is going to be somewhere around this week. I'm pretty unconvinced with POA somehow; got the feeling I won't be doing well. Oh well, I just want to go for the mediocre for now. I mean, FOR NOW.

Guess that's what's all about relating to school. I've been falling sick these days & I wonder why. Now that I'm recovering from my gastric, I've been putting in sheer determination to jog at least once a week. My muscles are aching but I love the feeling when I continued running. I need to keep my thigh muscles firm so people won't flab those fats -.-
So who's with me? I'm just a call away~

BBQ with Cikgu Memy & 5N students from class of 09 & 10 will be held this weekend. Everyone's excited about it but who's going to pool the money in the buy the BBQ equipment? -.-
But in any case, I'll be going early in the morning with some of my classmates & I'm going to do something stupid again I guess by having a high chance of injuring myself (Y). YEAHHH, never fear to fall because we're going to rise back up.

I think I'm done blogging. I felt abit calm now not needing anyone to fall back on. Yes, over confidence destroys me. But it's up to me if I want to get myself back in place & on track. On the contrary, everyone falls. But I've not seen anyone get back up. Oh well, maybe I'm too tired to get back up after falling so many times. Alah, I just don't need anyone now. Not now, that's all. & I didn't say I don't need anyone ANYMORE. So yeah, you have cock eyes if you misread. You have a pea brain if you don't understand. I'm going to sleep to ease the state of depression.

Yes, I'm agressive. I know. Cocky too, right Dear?




Love, ABJ
Let me do what I think. Let me think what to do next.

I should say this has been an industrious week for me.

There's not much of things that happend in school. Everything was normal except that I was absent from school for 2 days. On Monday, I had a splitting & headache, flu & sore throat. Skipped school & didn't go to the clinic. I went to school the next day somehow feeling better.

However that night, I was nauseous. & I can't sleep. Oh, it was also the day my friend passed me a baby cockatiel like Dear's but of different colour. We decided to call it BB (BabyBird) because we can't figure out the sex of the brd yet until it's 6-9 months old.

On the first night, BB was really was obstinate but it's unerstandable since he's trying to adapt to a new surrounding. BB pooped on me thrice that night & I had a hard time feeding BB since he doesn't want to eat so I had to force him to eat before we go to bed. At around 0215Hours, BB woke up & started flapping it's wings in the cage which I placed in my room for the time being. Before that, I really have problems sleeping. It was as though I'm under stress. What I dreamt was even about birds -.- Whenever I close my eyes, I'll see & kept thinking of birds. I swear it was a living nightmare. I stayed up until 0300Hrs with BB & went back to sleep. Better but I can't sleep peacefully & woke up three hours later to tell Mum that I can't drag myself to school. So I went to sleep again and woke up around eight in the morning & fed.
BB behaved better the next day & I was beginning to have fun with him :) Sadly, I had to surrender BB to Uncle because I know he'll be in good hands. Hopefully, I'll be getting BB back when he gets older.

Alright, I think I'll stop here for now. I'm quite tired. Will continue my post probably tomorrow if I am free. My gastric's acting up. Damn~




Love, ABJ

I'm weak but you won't shake me.

What happend last night was something that took place just few weeks ago. Everything's slowly picking up, getting back in place but just one thing that brings it down crashing again. & We're off.

I know the problem lies with me. & I can't help myself especially with the words that I used to make you go away. Sometimes I wonder why you like to see my bad side so much.

I just want to know one thing; how strong is this love going & how long will it last?

Won't you want it to crumble after I did so many things to you? I just don't want you to regret. & Hence, the tornado tried blowing you off without warning. But you're still here in one piece. Why?




Love, ABJ
Is this what they call true love?

Labels: Without Warning

Another tiring day for me yesterday. Despite having flu & sore throat which deeriorated, I forced myself out of bed & followed my parents to Vista Point to have breakfast & did some mini-grocery shopping then sent Mum off to her friend's house for a visitation. Dad & I went home. As soon as I got home, packed the books that I needed & went back down to meet Dad who sent me to Admiralty to meet with Isaac since we planned to study at RP.

It wa already half past noon then & both Isaac & I got text message saying that they're going to be late, as expected due to unforeseen circumstances. From Admiralty, Isac & I 912ed to Interchange & met Jeremy & Fabian then 169ed to RP. We didn't walk since I'm really not feeling well & for the fact that someone said that I'm weak got me djsaoidjsa;jf for a moment.

I withdraw some cash & went to 7/11 to buy all the food that we need & proceeded to W4. There's not many people at W4's second level. In fact, there's only one person who's busy playing DOTA =.= So we sat at the back near the lift area & started eating. After that, Britney joined us shortly after & we get down to revision until five in the evening. We focused & this is like my first time sitting down with a group of people intensively concentrating on their work unlike some friends I've ever went out with to study. & Also, I managed to complete what I wanted to, for the first time studying out in the public =.=

Some of us craved for Sakura. It was impromptu & we made it happen :D Since we got an hour left before Sakura opens for dinner, we walked @ Admiralty Park & did some Geography lessons. Not much fun but we still took pictures. Will update on Facebook when I got the time.

At six o' clock sharp, we queued @ Sakura to get the seats without booking. The crowd was undescrbable but I'm glad we still got seats available. For the first time, sitting outide. I saw someone familiar, our lendary joker in the school- Saifuddin. I was quite surprised he still remembered me made the first approach by coming up to me & said, "MOP!!!"
So ate, joked & we had fun into the night with the rest. At times, Saifuddin would come by & sat at our places to talk & joke. I swear we're the noisiest group of people outside laughing.

Left the place around half past eight & took 856 home. I had a fruitful day & I'm loving it. (Y).




Love, ABJ

I've been assiduously busy this week that I'm too tired to go online. Or maybe I'm turning industriuos since ths is important year.It's too early to making the hypothesis but we'll see how it goes. For a start, I'll continue blogging in good English so that I can make use of new words that I learnt.

Things that took place the past few days successfully blurred in my memory so I'll just publish what I remembered. School's actually fine & I'm getting used to the teachings. Since Day 1 school started, I've been sleeping quite early compared to previous years. By eleven, I should knock off be it I've done my homework or not. Afterall, what's the point of continuing my revision/homework when there's no quality in it? Might as well just stuff the books in my bag & respond to the bed that's calling.

Despite having early nights, I eventually fell slightly sick. It started with a flu that's still stuck in my nose till right now. But thankfully, it wasn't that bad such that I can't breathe. But I got a splittin headache that felt like exploding especially when I took the stairs up (In school). I felt like collapsing there right away with the pain so unbearable that it sort of affected my vision. Maybe the reason I fell sick was because of having too much time studying & not giving myself a break. I started going jogging once a week too. & Exultant to say, I'm beginning to eat healthy food too! However, I seem to have raging hormones because the amount of food I ea is really teriffying me. & With all that good food in my tummy, it's going to make me gain weight like crazy.

Speaking of jogging, I remembered I'll be representing my class in the 4 x 100 Relays. So I hope to see the girls team (Ting Siu, Sharifah, Jerong & I) to be in the finals for Sports Heats @ Innova JC next week!

Another upcoming event coming up will be Cikgu Memy's BBQ held specially for 5 NA Class of 09' & current '10) at the end of the month. I'm pretty excited & looking forward to it. I hope it where everyone of us unifies as one, leaving out on that mini age gap & typical malay personalities. Afterall, we're the Anak Melayus aye (Y). However, it pretty much makes sense that the current Sec 5N's can't stay up too late because the next day would be school -.- Of all days, why Sunday?!

My MT Class will be saving $1 everyday until end of year. We plan to go to the theme park @ Sentosa (What's it called?) or we might take the bungee ride @ Clarke Quay. I hope this long-term plan turns successful at the end of the year =.=

You know, I only got one wish. That is for O Levels to end quickly so I can take y own sweet time to relax & enjoy my empty slots of no school & no homework for half a year (First four months in fear). Let me just endure the remaining seven months or so that I have left.

Alright, I think this should be it. There's so many for me to update but I can't seem to decide which to blog about. Besides, this entry would bore my fellow readers if I were to continue.




Love, ABJ

Today, Mr R discomposed himself in the morning.

We got affected because of yesterday's results. They didn't do well, we got the blame. However, this state of shock got everyone in the class motivated to do well. I hope yesterday's picture will keep playing in our heads whenever we don't feel like trying & giving our best so it'll boost our motivation level. Throughout of Home period, the class kept silent that you can hear a pin drop =.=
Everything in class was moody & lifeless after the lecture. It's either we're scared or we don't care.

School ended slightly late because Mrs A.tan was telling us abot how she felt when the class treateher unfairly & she was feeling slightly disppointed & hurt.Rushed to LJS & went to SM's crib. Ate there, discussed some things & I went home. Went for a jog alone, showered & currently blogging.

I seem to hate the way we're treated as a class these days.




Love, ABJ

School. I was pretty jaded by PE Lesson despite having cereals before I left home for school =.=

First 3 periods, I had POA. It was tiresome by the first period but we had to endure. I thought the class would be more serious in the subject since a handful already left for POA & the fact that there were fewer people taking the subject.

Next was PE. I don't know what kind of game we played but it's suppose to help us improve on shuttle run. I lost one particular game that we played & had to run 4 rounds. Then we're asked to do push-ups which got my arm musles so feeble. We got only six weeks to prepare for NAPFA Test. Man, I'm starting to hate PE.

After reccess was English. It was suppose to be Mrs Raj's class on Even weeks for Band 1 but Mdm Rabia didn't know about it so she taught us, leaving Mrs Raj at the spare room alone for one hour. I was summoned to go donstairs & inform Mrs Raj about Mdm Rabia misinterpreted the schedule. As I was talking to Mrs Raj, eye contact was made & as I'm talking to her I could feel everything was still, all attention to me. I stared rudely into her pale blue eyes that got me scared for a moment. Then I quickly made my way out & back into the class. Our first comprehension worksheet was given back (Passage A MYE 2008).

Mdm Rabia: All of you did try your best. Some of you did well, some of you didn't do well but do not be discouraged. I have a girl scoring six out of six for the passage.

I was in a sate of shock, I thought it wasn't me. It was a good feeling since it helps me boost my confidence in wanting to excel in the near future. On top of that, I beat people like JZ, Alex & Salakau. I hope to continue putting efforts. 6 Marks maybe a small integer & mean nothing, but if we learn how to make use & stay consistent in what we do I'm sure the efforts would be more than mediocre. Perhaps, it will. But it can also be better.

My scores were revealed & everyone's like screaming at me telling me off for getting thos marks. Big deal, I think so. Haha.

Did nothing much on MT. Lazy to elaborate.

Then camte release of O Level results. From what I see, the teachers are controlling their emotions especially Mrs K. Since the parents were there as well, she had to say something nice & encouraging. I was upset & worried looking at he results too. After getig to know some of the girls' results I left for home & reflecting about it.

& I think that's about all. I shouldn't play anymore online games this year & use less computer. Because I know without all these, I can achieve better.

I'm going to bed now. Tomorrow's another day passing by, not my time left.


Love, ABJ

Tell me if I'm being self-centered & egoistic.

What would you do if your guy doesn't go out with you when YOU are the one that took the initiative to ask him out? Definitely you girls will think that's okay since not everyone's available round the clock 24/7, right? But how would YOU feel if this doesn't happen for the first time? Would you feel that it's a waste of time trying knowing that he'll turn you down? & That you felt rejection got you stooping so low you felt like you don't need a man in the first place & rather have fun shopping alone/ with your circle of friends?

Well, what if it comes to me? I personally think that it's okay to get rejected since not everyone's free (as I said earlier) but I definitely felt offended, upset & feel like throwing tantrums when it happend more then twice (or even thrice) especially when I'm asking my boyfriend to go out. In addition, whenever his friends asked him out he is always available. Or to put it in a better way, he would do ANYTHING just to go out with his friends. Tell me if I get the rights to feel painfully inflamed about it?

Then comes another person into the picture. At first, you thought that particular friend would be of a great help to sort out advices & hoped that he could be a beter mediator. but after some time, that friend expresses his/her discontentment about bugging into the relationship's problem too much. IF you had seen it coming, why bother a helping hand in the first place when you know that this problem is always going to face alot of shortcomings in the future? My question is WHY? To top it all off, that particular friend always talks bad about the person whom you're with but helped his/her own human race in the end. God knows what that friend talked about me to the person you're attached to. Somehow, backstabbing is taking place. & Without realising, in a way it's like I shot you with a pistol & turned my back on you claiming not taking out the bloody gun from my holster. & There you go feeling the excruciating pain for 'Nothing'.

& To rub the salt evn harder on the wound, the mediator claimed that I'm turning tables & making it look as if it's my boyfriend's fault. I didn't fuly blame him, it's just that he's a guy & I expect him to have the fundamentals of a guy should know & have when he's dating a girl. & Why can't I blame him when the relationship is more than 1.5 years?

On the other hand, the mediator's being too true. I'm so immuned that I took his advices with grace & respected his point of view instead of feeling pissed like I used to. All in all, I'd take my hats off the mediator 'cause I like his damn guts. Wouldn't it be nice if guys these days aren't cowards? We'll get to see tonnes of dramas then when the girls turned rowdy & cougar towards the opposite sex.

Back to my point. Like everytime this sentence comes out whenever I'm ranting about my relationship issues; "Just leave him, go find a better guy." If one of my closest friend told me this, I think he's just being straightforward & wishes me the best of life I should ever have- to be treated better. These words are wise to me but I always falter about ending everything. Afterall, it's worth of close to three years of relationship.

Let's do some of my attitude check. I was concentrating on my own advantage instead of his most of the times. My excuse was not to lose him, in other words being overprotective & defensive in conversations. I show agressiveness because it's one of the ways giving a stern warning I'm not one to mess or fool with. I might sound so confident in the fight & arguments but deep inside, I always felt weak. So shaky I could just crumble anytime. Sometimes I couldn't even breathe when I slept myself to ease of the depression that I had to find an envergy to breathe it & cough the hell out. Little did I know I have minor heart problems which I kept for a long long time, which no one really knew about it.

So they say those who are ill tend to have bad temper.





Love, ABJ

Labels: Cry Me Out

06 January 2010

I can't really recall what I did in school because it blurred in my memory. But in anyway, it's the third day of orientation. The Sec 5 SC's got nothing to do so we went from department to department to check for minor/major cockups that we can assist. But a good job well done to the SC, you guys did a commendable job! That day was when I felt like I can stop, pause & rewind time because we advisors took out time to everything. It's pretty relaxing & I spent half of the time in the SC texting. Haha. I know, bad bad. Anyway, I had some fun with the Secondary Ones. They're a pretty bunch of noisy kids with small-sized body. Even the dwarfs lose out to them. But it's ok, it's like a school funhouse for them. But after Wednesday, fun's over people. I didn't go for CCA Orienation that evening simply because I was hackneyed.

07 January 2010

First day of some serious learning. Expectations were laid, comparisons among classes were make. But like they say, words & things that could kill you or take you down makes you stronger. In any way, Mr Ravin told us that we are competing against 4-2 & 4-3 for O Levels but not against 5-2 or 4-1 because their standards are comparable to us so we had to take a greater height of challenge. It may sound as if Eagles are bragging but we are giving it a go.

Our target? L1B4 of ten & below. Sounds crazy but why not.

Lessons were okay I guess because not much of serious learning is taking place yet. I've got myself into Band 2 for Geography (Mrs Chuah =.=), Band 1 for English (Mdm Rabia). Well, hopefully it's not so bad :l
This year, I had to put in more effort. No more mediocre efforts,results & outcome for me. It' a serious year & I have to do this the hard way. Please motivate me, everyone. I need your support :P

We're having Sports day next month on the 26th February @ Yio Chu Kang stadium. The trials would be this month @ Innova JC. I don't know if I should join the 4 x 400 Relays with Jerong, Eunice & Sharifah. I know we make a great team but this participant have her own doubts to clear. So I'm still reconsidering myself wether to go for it or not. Afterall, I want to do this because of participation since it's my final year but never have te vision to win this time.
IT IS A MOMENT TO TREASURE because the previous batches didn't get to taste this event after not having it for about 4 year. I feel so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky. I feel so lucky in Sec 5~

Now I'm wondering what activites will be organised for Sec 5's. Maybe it'll be something more thrilling like swimming or even air rifle shooting! Haha. Okay, I look foward too much. Now all I want is something exciting to cross this path of life while I'm in the final round of secondary school life before it sadly ends.

08 January 2010

2 Periods of Maths doing Graphs which I'm starting to hate because I can never draw the graph perfectly thanks to the curve ruler which got me irritated the whole lesson. 3 Periods of POA but Ms Han didn't come to school so we did the worksheet & had it submitted. After break was 3 Periods of English. Did comprehension which my brain didn't ring a bell aout what the passage was talking because I am suffering from euphoria. I'm so sorry for myself but I got to move onnnn.

That would be all. This post is already lengthy I shall update the next calendar of events the next few days. & Its good to ind myself refraining from using the computer too often! :D It's one achievement because it used to be one of my biggest challenge to overcome.


Chao Au Tsai, Love
ABJ.

04 January 2010

I somehow hate first day of school. Everything is not well organised & all the kids are everywhere! Since Sec 5 Councillors are not the facilitators this year, we were asked to help out some PE Admin with Mr P. We had to take the height & weight of the students from Secondary 3,4 & 5. It's a tiring job but it's awesome since I don't have to feel bored staying in class -.-

During reccess was crowded filled with little monsters pushing here & there. Not queuing to buy food. & As expected, I would be 'gangbanged' by those kids. Unforunately, I spilled some soup onto an Indian boy when the rest are pushing me like no one's business. Without consideration that I'm carrying something soupy, that incident was inevitable. Damn you kids -.-

At the end of the day, I did a little debriefing of how I felt about it with the facilitators. Oh well, & I think that's my day.

05 January 2010

Second day I did the same saikan job with the PE Admin. Seriously, some of the classes are fun to be with while taking their height. & They still do have the primary school mentality -.- But it's understandable. I spent the remaining hour in the Councillor room & a while more in SJAB to find about tomorrow's orientation. I'm still reconsidering whether to go or not. Hmm.

After which, I went to Civic Centre to purchase stamps for Mum & rushed back home to pase on the envelopes. Then went to Al Ameen to eat alone. Felt really full & sleepy but I stil decided to walk back home so I won't sleep. Haha. Went online, currently chatting to Dear & writing this post.

Alright, this is it. Will update tomorrow. I am tireddd. I think I'm going to sleep early today since I'm not in the mood -.-




Love, ABJ

Enjoy, everyone. Say hello to 2010, goodbye 2009!

Here's my resolution for Year 2010:

1. Save $4 minimum every week.
2. Stay back one extra hour after school for revision whenever possible.
3. Go online only after 2100Hrs.
4. Jog at least once a week.
5. Control my anger over trivial matters.
6. Be more cheerful & optimistic especially in school.
7. Gain more friends instead of losing one.
8. Get myselt 20 points or below for first Common Test.

& I think that should be it. What's the point of having a list of resolutions when you yourself can't even accomplish at least ten percent of it, right? Oh well, I aim to at least succeed five out of eight for my current resolution.


Read more »

Here's the story of year 2009:

January:

a. Was in Class 4-6 or known ask 4 Eagles.
b. Failed four subjects for my Common Test. (First time I failed so badly, I swear.)

February:

a. A very memorable birthday celebration by The Usuals.
b. Received many gifts.
c. Work harder for the next upcoming class tests.

March:

a. A huge argument broke out between some people in the school. (I still hate hate their guts, though.)
b.Basically, it's a huge misunderstading & this month is filled with major hiccups until June.

April:

a. Investiture. (I think.)


May:
a. I can't remember anything special that took place this month.

June:
a. Studied with mostly Sec 5's.
b. Most number of times going to RP.
c. Got a nice hairdo.

July:
a. I can't remember anything special that took place this month.

August:
a. Was in the planning committee for this year's NDP Parade; not fully committed but thanks Mr Soong for giving something lovely.


September:

a. N Levels Phase 1.

October:

a. No more Children's Day for me, Year 4.
b. My relationship mangement slowly improved but still on the rocks.
c. N Levels Phase 2.

November:

a. Got myself a job @ Marina Mandarin Hotel.
b. The most hackneyed period of the month.
c. The month where my foot and knee are giving much pain & other problems.

December:

a. Gotten 15 points for N Level results.
b. Just starting to enjoy Holiday when I'm two days away to school reopens. -.-

Basically, that's my 2009. Of course, there are a handful of memorable memories with my classmates & it's when I'm close to people like The Usuals. Despite the gossips & minor misunderstandings, I accept for who they are & I appreciate the times when they were there for me. Some people though, changed & became someone else. In short, they just don't belong where they are right now. It's sad having to 'lose' one. But that's okay, like I say I accept for who they are. & Some people I met along the way, left & go just like that. Well, it's a relief though because they're not the type of friends I should mix with.

But all in all, I should say 2009 is not a good year that I enjoyed afterall. & I fear for the worst in 2010.